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Tell Me I Can Fix This On My Own

Tell Me I Can Fix This On My Own - Deerful

Hello all. I’ve got a new Deerful mini-album out. It was made with the music programming language ixi lang over the last six weeks.

It’s called Tell Me I Can Fix This On My Own. It’s mostly a record about friendship. It’s also a record about loss.

I have done it without any sort of label or collective behind me this time (the eagle-eyed amongst you will notice it says it’s out on Heartsease Records, which is…me) because releasing it was such a quick decision, so would very much appreciate your support in getting the word out since I don’t have a PR person or anything! I really, really hope you like it — it was a joy to make.

You can buy it here at my Bandcamp, if you’d like.

If you prefer to stream, it’ll go up here on Spotify shortly if it hasn’t already in your country.

It’s also on iTunes, Deezer, Tidal (apparently!), all the usual and some unusual suspects. If you have a preferred mode of listening it’s probably there.

I’ll be playing (hopefully) the whole thing live at Algorave Sheffield tonight (Saturday 1st Sept). There are still tickets if you’d like to come.

I’ve also open-sourced the code for the album at my Github. Do with it what you will.

April/May shows


Okay LOOK. I know I’ve been uncharacteristically quiet. I would love to say it’s because I’m writing but it’s actually because I’ve been writing my thesis and moulding impressionable minds and stuff. I am not on hiatus. I’m just moving at an extremely glacial pace. I hope to accelerate significantly soon.

With that said, I have two shows coming up:

April 28th: Are You Listening Festival, Reading. Heaps of venues, heaps of bands, will be absolutely delightful. Tickets here.

May 5th: Scared To Dance & For The Rabbits Alldayer: Sweet Baboo, London. Genuinely can’t quite believe I’m supporting Sweet Baboo. Very very excited. Tickets here.

Once this period of intense non-musical activity calms down a bit I will get back to writing and making things. See you on the other side. :)

Eat the dark, and show where I stood: a 2017 ramble/round-up

I was thinking about doing another Songs Of The Year post like I did this time last year, but decided against it – this year my listening has trended much more towards mainstream pop or at least bigger artists (the ones who aren’t were also on last year’s list!), and it sort of feels like it defeats the point when I’m not signal-boosting people you wouldn’t know about otherwise. If you do check out one record on my recommendation, though, make it Romaplasm by Baths, and if you want a realistic listening experience a la Emma Deerful, put track 5, ‘Adam Copies’, on repeat until you feel physically sick, as if you’ve eaten too much of something delicious.

The last few months have been slightly fallow ones for me musically speaking. I gigged myself out a bit by playing six? seven? shows in October and then went dark to work on my thesis. It’s funny how a little bit of distance from music made me think ‘oh, it’s been a quiet year, I haven’t done much with Deerful’. That’s not really true.

I released my first album. It got some press coverage, it got a tiny little bit of radio attention, it seems to have made a few people very happy and more people quite happy, and that’s not too bad a result overall. A very dear friend recently told me all you need for an album is three hits and the rest will work itself out. I’m not sure if that’s true, but if it is, I don’t think Peach was quite there. I’ll let you know if the formula works for album 2.

I played 22 shows, according to my Facebook events. That actually doesn’t sound like a lot. If you’d like me to play a show near you in 2018 please get in touch and let’s see if I can outdo myself. Of those 22 shows, a few stand out – Blissfields was my first ‘big’ festival as a solo artist and to have been asked to play by Beans On Toast of all people was a huge honour. I also played a full set at the Union Chapel, under the Daylight Music banner, for the first time as Deerful rather than in somebody else’s band, and it was just a beautiful thing. I’m still amazed at how many people came and how I didn’t feel too tiny for the stage in the end after all.

I blew up on YouTube a bit this year, which still surprises me – by YouTube standards a thousand subscribers isn’t ‘blowing up’, not really, but by my standards it’s unbelievable and I can’t believe that many people want to watch me cover songs I like on my weird boxes with lights on.

I did some of my favourite interviews ever this year. I also repeatedly confirmed to myself that if you ask me about my work (or anything, really) I can’t shut up. I’m sorry. It’s who I am.

I submitted my favourite piece of production I’ve ever done, ever, to a compilation which was meant to be out by now but has been pushed back, so I’m afraid you’ll all have to wait to find out what it is.

I did a lot of thinking this year about creativity, and work, and art-as-labour, and being a beginner, and how your brain can facilitate that or get in the way, and how sometimes you can do something about that and sometimes you can’t. If you follow me on Twitter you will know I occasionally discuss this stuff there but lately I’ve been mulling over it more internally. I’m not sure what I’m going to do those thoughts yet. Something.

It has been a dark year, politically and globally speaking. I can’t really do a Taylor Swift and say that it’s been the best year ever for me personally in spite of that, though there have been some very bright spots. As of the last few months I’m in the best health I’ve ever been in, which opens up more possibilities for the future, and that’s a really brilliant thing. I am very grateful that despite the darkness of the outside world you have all been here with me, listening and feeding back and attending shows and chatting to me. I hope you’ll stick around for the rest of it.

🍁🎃 Autumn Deerful shows! 🦊🍂

Image featuring a list of Deerful show dates, reproduced in text below

I booked a bunch of shows in October (and one in September – I’m being a thesis hermit right now so it really is just the one), so I thought it might make sense to put them all together in a list. Here they are.

Sep 8 – LONDON – The Finsbury – Get In Her Ears Live at The Finsbury with REWS – free
Oct 2 – BRIGHTON – The Prince Albert – Campfire Live: Lianne Hall + Deerful – £8
Oct 20 – MILTON KEYNES – OU Cellar Bar – The Leaf Library + Deerful – £7
Oct 27 – READING – The Rising Sun Arts Centre (Facebook event coming) – £5
Oct 28 – LONDON – The Betsey Trotwood – Karla Kane, Deerful, Fun of the Pier and Richard Youell – £5
Oct 30 – LONDON – The Finsbury – Blogtober Festival / For The Rabbits: Night Flowers + Guests – free

A full stream of Peach, and a live show

The brainchild of Emma Winston (quite literally: she wrote, played, recorded, produced, and mixed the record, as well as making the sleeve art – “Peach” takes that aforementioned decadent touch and sculpts it in to something that flickers between a cluster of romanticised sentiments while always bending the boundaries of what we think pop music is and should be. Streaming here from today, you can listen to Deerful’s brilliant new album in full while reading Winston’s own detailed track-by-track guide beneath. Dig in below…

Peach is now available to stream over at GoldFlakePaint, alongside my track-by-track commentary! Consider a click if you like: bleepy sparkly electropop; public amateurism; Chris Kraus; Super Mario; Twitter bots with recording jobs; girls kissing; artistic visions explained through the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror.

The album will be going up on Spotify on Friday 9th, so currently GFP’s stream is the only place you can hear it online in full.

Warm up party featuring funke and the two tone baby, deerful and jack francis, at the monarch in chalk farm. Wednesday 7th June

I’m also going to be playing a London show the day after tomorrow (Wednesday 7th June), at the Monarch on Chalk Farm Road, at Beans On Toast’s warmup show for Blissfields Festival. It’s free, and you can enter a draw there to win tickets for the festival itself (which I will also be playing). I am very much hoping to have copies of the album with me for sale but there are currently none in my house so this is contingent on me being able to collect some in time. DIY!

Cloudwatching – new music video

The new video to the second single from Peach, ‘Cloudwatching’, is out on my YouTube channel and was kindly premiered by Louder Than War this week. It was directed and produced by Candy Parfitt and edited and animated by me. I hope you enjoy it!

You can still preorder Peach, which is out on vinyl, CD and digital on the 2nd of June, here.


Album cover - watercolour peach on a pale green background

My debut album, Peach, is available for pre-order!🍑

You can get it on limited-edition cream vinyl, CD, or as a digital download, by clicking here, and it will be sent to you around the 9th of June when it is released.

In typical Deerful style it’s a sad pop album, I made it on several extremely small synthesisers in my front room, and recorded and mixed and painted the cover for it myself. The only voice on it other than mine is my Macbook, on the two title tracks, reading out names of fruit and flowers I was streaming to it live from Twitter, because I appreciate oddness. Despite that it’s maybe a little softer around the edges than Staying Still, and it’s eleven tracks long, all about life and connections and moments between people and memories. Clash were kind enough to premiere the first single from it, Subjects Of Our Love, yesterday, if you’d like to hear a little of it.

I hope you enjoy it.

Deerful keychains and ACLU

deerful cross stitch keychain

Hiya. From midnight EST (which was about 8pm UK time) Bandcamp have started donating their profits to the ACLU for 24 hours and lots of artists are joining them including YOUR GIRL DEERFUL. Any money I get from you lot in the next 24 hours will also be donated to the ACLU (with the exception of Without Borders which will still go to JCWI because I also believe in continuing to act locally).

There are new keychains in the shop which have been hand cross-stitched by Citizen Helene, who is a very dear friend and also terrifyingly good at everything. There are only eight of them. You know what to do etc.

If you want to know more about the Bandcamp campaign check out this link.